Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
