He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
