Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
