Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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