Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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