before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
