She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
