Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
