I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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