p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
