what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
