She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
