Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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