return my video game
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
