I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
