I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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