So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
