i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
