I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
