he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
