Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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