im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
