if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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