My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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