i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i out mim tonsoeep
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
