over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
