is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
