The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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