woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
