The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
