im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
