I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
