he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
As shirtless as possible
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
