Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
