I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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