I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
