Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
