Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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