Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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