Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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