Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
