two words: eviction party
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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