I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think I am morally bankrupt
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
