no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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