There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
