just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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