no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
