We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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