it wasn't lemon gatorade
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
