i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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