my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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