I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will be naked everywhere
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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