My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
